Sunday, September 27, 2009

Day 35 July 24,2009

All I have written is that I fed her Strawberry yogurt and prunes at 7:45am and that she weighed 30.13 pounds.

What I remember about that day is that Alisha did really pretty well but still resisted the chewables but I went home with a nuk brush. So I was bringing my safety net with me. I also know that I ran out of batteries this day and drove practically back to the hotel to the CVS pharmacy to get some. I did lots of very fast running this day. I also went back to the hotel for Alisha's day trement jounal because I forgot it on my way out the door with the high chair and verything else!! (it was the day to return the highchair I kept it at the hotel the whole time) and I video taped my last trip in to the center. It was hard to say goodbye to everybody!!! Larraine had a follow up appointment that day and I was really glad to see her. She was waiting to follow me home to the hotel because I had tons of food and things that I was so not taking with me that I really wanted to give to her. Larraine also had to work that night so we had to really hurry so she would have time to came over. Otherwise I have no idea what I'm going to do with all this food and frying pan etc. etc!! It was also really great because otherwise they might have had to kick me out when they closed down the building for the night. I wanted to take pictures of EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY!!! I wanted to take as much with me as I could knowing that it would never be enough!! I missed pictures of Dr Berkawitz, one security guard and two parking attendants. Luckily I had Larraine to keep me with some excited focus!! I also have to admit that I video taped the whole drive from the feeding center to the hotel. At the hotel and really for the next couple of days I was on total spaz o matic!!! I had so much to do and little sleep and hardly any focus. I remember talking as fast as I could to Lorraine so I could try and say everything and not make her late for work. I also missed several things around the hotel to give her. It was GREAT to get to see her and Jude!!!! I'm so glad I met them. Soon the time came that I used my GPS to get Lorraine back to a familiar freeway and she was gone. I was still just so happy to have had her with me when I was leaving the center and to help that be a happy goodbye.. I'm so grateful to her.
Then back to the hotel packing up the last things and then we went out for one more pizza night!! These guys were so great!! I tell ya I even hear the word Italian or see a green white and red flag I'm on the verge of swooning.. Man!! Hospitality to that level is truly a dieing art!! They try to teach it to people in customer service positions but most of the time it really feels fake nothing like truly being taken care of. This is a place that I could not get enough of!! Alisha ate some olive slices off the pizza and she ate some pureed food while we were there. When the girls and I got back to the hotel we went swimming. They wanted to go one last time and I wanted some endorphins or something. I was just about desperate for any energy I could get. I set the timer that I used for timing feedings so we didn't stay too late. After the girls were in bed I had "Independence Day" on the TV while I was finishing packing. I was so tired that no matter what I tried I felt that I was making almost no progress and I couldn't keep my focus and kept coming up with alternate plans to try to make things run smoother but what really happened is that I couldn't even remember what plan I was trying to run with. I was so tired that my body felt stale on the inside is the only way I know how to describe it and I felt that even if I slept with the theory of moving faster rested I just felt that I didn't have enough time left to make it happen. I finally did go to sleep. Not really feeling rested I'm sure because all while I was "sleeping" I knew that I wasn't done.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Day 34

In the morning Alisha had prunes and strawberry yogurt (breakfast of champions) she threw up on about her seventh bite for no reason that I could see. We cleaned up and she ate the rest of her meal just fine. When we got to the center Alisha thought she should be weighed. She doesn't get weighed everyday though.. Anyway, today was not a weigh in day and she was mad about it. Whatever..

Anyway, I feel like we are getting closer to a really good chewable feeding but it hasn't happened yet. On the way home from the center we go to the the shopright again and get some gf snacks for on the plane so that we are covered regardless of what snacks they have. I also need to admit here that we were looking for NJ Tshirts and post cards and I never was able to find them. Ya know what?!?!? They were at the shopright the whole time!!! After I saw them I remember kinda seeing them. Well, the New York ones anyway. It was awesome!! I had plans to make some with the girls when we got home but this was great!! I got the girls a hat each and I got a shirt with New Jersey stats on it. Yea!! some Jersey pride!! Did ya know.... Jersey is 57% farm land and forest?? Has the most horses per square mile in the U.S.?? Highest cost of living in the U.S.? Okay that one's not so great but they have the most diners in world. 80% of the country's imports come through Jersey first. #1 state for blueberry and cranberry production. Has the longest boardwalk in the world. Tallest water tower in the U.S. "Monopoly" uses the names of Atlantic City Streets. Professional basketball began in Trenton. Anyway, very fun find!! We come back to the hotel and feed Alisha down stairs with us while we have our usual. Alisha always likes to sit on the bar stools by the window so that it where we can always be found at dinner lately and for breakfast too. She likes to be up high where she can see. She has started to protest drinking her milk or at least she has figured out how to put her tongue over the hole on her cup and even swallow and make swallowing sounds at the same time.. what a bugger. I check the front desk again to see if Alisha's package has come yet. For this whole trip I keep checking to see if Alisha's back up button has come yet. I have talked to her supply company a few times about it and have lately added that even though we calculated how many days and therefore cans of formula that we would need shipped we are four days short. They are supposed to be here before today. I check the desk after dinner and there is still no package. So we go back out to shopright and we end up buying some off brand but gluten free version of Ensure. It's half the calories of what her formula gives her but I figure it's as good as I can get and better then nothing at this point. Also at this point I figure that a NJ Tshirt would be pretty sweet for Shyanne so I add it to the fancy grocery store bag that has my glad ware and a cookie sheet that we loved using. Shyanne is staying for a few more weeks and is staying in a different hotel with a full kitchen plus she is driving back to Colorado and though she might get low on space she doesn't have to weigh her bags!!!

Day 33

Alisha weighed 30.14lbs. She was happy and playful this day and she did a lot better with the chewables. We changed the plan so that I'm giving her meds at 7:30am and feeding her at 8:00 so that her schedule is more like what it will be at home when she is going to school. Then we meet at the center at 10:00 and she eats her snack of chewables. They start having me feed her the chewables because we both need as much practice as we can get before we go home. She still refusing a lot of bites but there is improvement but still not what she was doing last week. Alisha is still hitting herself and for a little longer spans of time. When we got back to the hotel I have the girls pack up their things into the suitcases while I packed my things and lots of odds and ends including our very well traveled blender. Then we had dinner downstairs I'm really getting to like eating salad with cheese OR olive slices and dressing with chips salsa and A&W Root Beer. This meal is becoming another variation on comfort food. They always had more to eat then that like lasagna and other great comfort foods but they all had gluten. IT was wonderful to not have to make dinner every night and I was very glad they offered it. Alisha ate sweet potatoes and peas. I'm running out of choices and I really don't want to go to the store one more time!!!! Then we went back upstairs and got suitcases and took them down to the work out room and weighed our bags. I had almost everything... I thought we did really pretty okay I was under by a couple of pounds on a couple of bags. When we get back up stairs I allow the girls access only to their suitcase so that things don't get shifted around too much. we get jams on watch Pengu and Alisha drinks her night time milk. The girls go to bed and I watch TV and try to feel like I have a turn. I'm sleeping less and less as our time runs out.. I'm starting to look forward to being home. My Mom's family is all together in Idaho and I miss them.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Day 32

Alisha had a hard time puting on her socks orthotics and shoes. Normally, when she gets frustrated she crys and whines and I tell her that she needs to talk and ask for help if she needs help. This morning she started not only hitting herself in the head but she started biting and twisting her fingers. I talk to her the same way that I do when she is frustrated and don't say anything about hitting or biting herself. At the center part of the protocal is completely egnoring bad or undesireable behaviors. That doesnt apply to everything but most everything and it gets huge results. If she is still doing it when we get home I will take her in for a once over to make sure she doesn't have a sinus infection or some other random uncomfortable head thing that doesn't have a lot of symptoms. (It's been found out I've heard from CdLS moms that some of the kids have behaviors like that when they are not feeling well. Usesully it has something to do with the head. Like always kids vary.)

I woke up feeling the need for my virtual commando mom gear. I felt this might be my last day to really make a difference while we still have any reasonable amount of time left. I was filled with desperation. All the way to the center I'm playing kick butt songs on the CD player. I get there and I'm just waiting for the good ole' doc to come talk to me. I was planning to give him the mother look of death right in the eyes and tell him to go cut the fruit!!! (sadly I'm editing.. I was just horrible!) Then with practically a chorus of angels Brittney walks out to greet us!!!! I called out "BRITTNEY!! My favorite person!!! She asked how everything was going even though I'm sure she had gotten an earful already. Then she listened to all I had to say. She told me that she asked about what happened to the chewables too. Anyway, with our Brittney back Alisha was given chewables again. She refused them.. Then she refused them some more.. Later I think to leave the room she had to take at least one bite. We were introduced to the nuk brush to help her open and take the bite chew swallow and then go back to the play room.
Later back at the hotel Alisha ate sweet potatoes with rice cereal and peas. Then we watched Pengu while Alisha drank her night time milk.

Day 31

Alisha weighed 30.13lbs. and drank 120mls of formula after her fist and second meal.

I was also really excited about this day. The doctor had told me that he would have a plan for Alisha and we would proceed with it. So when I get there I am more then ready to go on whatever plan he has in mind. I had been talking with family over the weekend. They were concerned that we were stopping for the weekend too but I told them that we would have a plan on Monday and it will be fine....... I'm also telling them because it's helpful to hear myself say it.

The doctors plan was.. Let's just drop the chewables Alisha is really resisting and I think he was worried about her fighting puree and everything. He also said that he thought that she would just pick up the chewables at home. I hate when I'm so surprised by something that I don't react the way that I think I should have later when I have more time to get really frustrated about it. (Usually it gives me more time to think outside of the moment and I don't regret as many things but it takes me a while to really start thinking that way. In this case I got more and more upset and totally increasingly beyond obnoxious about it AND regretted it later) I was thinking and saying LOTS of things.. Like "How dare you say anything about parents quiting or not being consistent!! Pansy!! When the chips are down you are not sharing anymore brilliant ideas and just send me thousands of miles away to figure it out alone!! She can chew and swallow not an issue this is a behavior issue which is his area and he is quiting!!?!?! I'm still standing here!!! I'm not quiting!! I'm NOT quiting!!! Yeah, clearly she will do this on her own we are here on vacation!!

Perhaps it's better that I don't go 0-60.. I do end up saying just about everything that I'm thinking just in a more constructive way later. I don't hate him at all. I was really hating that he was totally willing to sell Alisha that short of where she could be. (please read other posts to follow I eventually had some enlightenment..) I talked quite a bit about that at the parent meeting. I felt at least heard. I tried to constructively talk it out with him and I wasn't seeming to get anywhere just being nice about it. I left today feeling really frustrated. I keep hearing different people tell me different days that our beloved Brittney would be back including not until Thursday... Friday is our last day!!!

I was talking to Jeff about it on the way home.. He was getting frustrated that I'm wanting to fight it. When I don't feel that it's right and it's this important I really feel that I need to do all that I can. Whatever it takes. I was frustrated with him being frustrated me and feeling like there was nobody left standing on my team but me. I really hate that feeling...

Later Jeff text me to let me know that his Grandma died. She had been home on hospice for about a week and Jeff got to go see her and be with his family there. Last week she understood things and she said that she thought that it was really great that Alisha gets to be part of this program. This same day a tornado hit Shyanne's house. Shyanne is a great mom!! She started the program about three weeks after the rest of our group did. I don't know if they normally start everyone all in the same phase or if it was because we are the first group through after moving to the new building. Which makes the Larraine's son the first graduate from the new center. Anyway, this was one heck of a day.

Day 30

Today Alisha ate prunes and mixed berry apple sauce before church. This was the last Sunday at the Ferndale ward. A day that I knew would be sad and hard for me on the very first sunday there. The people were so nice!! Welcoming does not even cover how giving these people were. I'm pretty sure that I almost wouldn't need a ward phone book if we moved because almost everyone at some point has given me their phone number. I even had a lady's husband say I'm sure that my wife has given you our phone number and I wanted to let you know that if you need anything to feel free to call us. How awesome is that!!! A husband that doesn't wait to be valenteered!! Another great but small things is that this ward has a blown up lamenated map with all of the families names and addresses on small strips of paper and straight pinned to the location that they live in. I have always wanted that but never had it. It would really help me to understand where people lived in relationship to eachother. I think this really helps with the camunity feel because Iwas told that if you drove from the top of the ward boundries to the bottom it would take about an hour. I'm not familiar with the area but I can tell you that the towns seem to be very small and I think that it would be very hard to know the names of all the towns and then also to know where they are in realation to eachother. I drive through three towns from the hotel to the feeding center in six miles. Another thing that I have always wanted is that by the Relife Society room (where the ladies meet) there are snap shot pictures of every sister with her fist and last name. That was a great help to me when I was there. They seemed to have around 20 sisters every week and I think that it would be a bigger help the bigger the group of sisters. On the other hand their building is really kinda off the beaten path and they are the only ward that uses the buidling. I really miss the sisters and one thing that I really want to take back with me is how welcoming they all were. Without being smothering at all it seemed just about everyone took it upon themselves to be my friend as if they were the only one. It was a home away from home for me and I hope they understand what a difference they made for me. We were just about the last people to leave the building. It was just hard to go. They had a linger longer and a swap shop that day. Their linger longer is a potluck lunch with tables set out and really inviting for families to stay. It was the perfect last week. I'm so glad that I got to meet them. After we got home to the hotel Alisha ate Apple sauce with rice cereal and peas. Mataya and I ate grilled cheese sandwiches the way that I'm pretty sure that Grandma Lucy used to make them. I was feeling that home~E need.. We also baked the last of the gluten free cookies.
later that night at 8:00 Alisha ate gf waffle with mixed berry apple sauce and apple sauce.
Another thing is that Alisha has started hitting herself in the head when she is frustrated. I'd almost forgotten that she used to bang her head on the floor until she was 18mo or 2years old.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Day 29 fun and Waffles..

Today we really focused in and did GREAT!!! We also found lots of pockets of time to have fun between meals. It helped that the doctor said to space the meals out to every three hours and increase her meals to 2.5 oz. total between two foods. No problem!!

Alisha ATE!!

Prunes and blueberry gogurt at 9:30am

Waffles with mixed berry applesauce and peaches with rice cereal and a little water at 12:30

This was a fun meal because I tell her what she is eating when she already has it in her mouth I say things like "Good job Alisha!! Awesome waffle bite!!" She swallowed and said "Awful." I said no, Alisha waffle." She said "awful." I said Alisha it starts with a W it's WWWWWaaaffle." She said "No, it's horrible." I was so shocked I laughed so hard I about cried..



We took pictures in the mountains.. Nope.. it just looks like it. Actually it's between the parking lot to the hotel and a four lane road on the other side. Wayne and lots of the area around here is so beautiful! This is what it looks like when you build what you are going to build and leave the rest alone. TONS of trees!!! Just beautiful!!!



We had a great time playing with monster mitts!! Velcro mitt or pad "catches" the tennis ball it's WONDERFUL!!! Helps Mataya better then anything else we have done for her tracking things with her eyes and the "mitts" fit on with an adjustable Velcro strap in the back so Alisha can catch too!!! Truly awesome things available at Beyondplay.com!! We also got the rocket ship bubbles. I have been wanting those for a couple a years. A therapist brought it over to our house a few times. Squeeze the sides of the rocket and the wand comes up with out actually touching the wand and just blow. That was really fun!!



Alisha ate sweet potatoes with rice cereal and peas at 3:30

we picked things up in our room and watched cartoons. It was so nice to have some down time with the three of us together.



Then we went to the park near the hotel. Sadly this was the first time that we have actually gone to the park. There have been a few rainy days and from the parking lot it didn't look very exciting to me.. It was raining really hard the day that we looked.... It is a wonderful park that pictures could never capture!! Pictures look too flat and never show the depth of all the trees around. Plus it has two gated entrances.. One goes to the top of the play structure and the other goes down a paved hill to to the lower play ground area. There is a marry go round which we got a kick out of because those are taken out of all the parks at home. This was the first time the girls have ever seen or been on one and it was great! there are tons of swings and monkey bars just all kinds of things very very well layed out park tons of trees and so the whole park is in the shade and doesn't get too hot there are picnic tables and other benches around too it was really fun!! While we were at the park Alisha ate Mixedberry applesauce and peaches. She did a great job.. I didn't soo much.. I said "Good Job!! Last bite." As I gave her the last bite. She hopped down off the bench before she had it swallowed and everything came up..



After we played at the park for a while longer we went out to Neil's Pizzeria & Restaurant at 568 Valley Rd. Wayne, NJ. They were wonderful!!! They have gluten free pizza and TONS of other pizza type things really some I've never seen before but they were all made with flour so you will have to hear how great they taste from somebody else. Our pizza was great!! We got a medium with half pineapple and ham and the other half veggie. Let me just say that when you say veggie it is fully loaded with everything!!! Stuff that I forgot were vegetables were on this pizza and it was a masterpiece!!! Beyond the pizza was the service!! these guys were great!! I ordered my pizza and the guy walked away and started making it so I sat down with the girls. Then they brought the pizza out I said "oh, I need to pay you." and started to stand to go to the register because it's a small place and at home that's just how it is with pizza. The great guy who brought out the pizza said "Oh, no sit.. you eat enjoy.. it cost the same later." So funny.. you just got to love it!! I know I did!!! If I lived here that would be my one of my favorite places to keep coming back to because they treat ya so nice.
K, so now we are so totally full and I realized it was the first hot thing for dinner I have had in a long time. The Hotel makes good dinners but needing to eat gluten free Mataya and I eat salad with dressing and chips with salsa sometimes olive slices or shredded cheesed and either A&W root beer or sprite. I think I might crave it at home sometimes.. Anyway, we were full but we need Alisha to drink her night time milk. (her Nutren 2.0 that she would have normally had pumped into her stomach all night for a total of 80z at 35~45mls an hour.) One of her favorite ways to have her drink is to pull up our netflix account on the laptop and pick from the instant watch list. Doing this we found Pingu!!! We LOVE Pingu!! He is a young boy claymation penguin no real words but really funny. We have watched them a few times and she finishes her night time milk in about thirty minutes. I have never been able to pump that into her that fast. She does great. I tell her that she can keep watching IF (at our house we call that the stepmother IF because of Cinderella) she keeps drinking. It's really pretty great!! I'm thinking that in not really long we will be done with pull ups because she no longer needs to be pumped all night. I'm willing to be slow changing that she has done really well with a lot of changes all ready and I know it will come so that makes it easier for me to wait.