Day 31

Alisha weighed 30.13lbs. and drank 120mls of formula after her fist and second meal.

I was also really excited about this day. The doctor had told me that he would have a plan for Alisha and we would proceed with it. So when I get there I am more then ready to go on whatever plan he has in mind. I had been talking with family over the weekend. They were concerned that we were stopping for the weekend too but I told them that we would have a plan on Monday and it will be fine....... I'm also telling them because it's helpful to hear myself say it.

The doctors plan was.. Let's just drop the chewables Alisha is really resisting and I think he was worried about her fighting puree and everything. He also said that he thought that she would just pick up the chewables at home. I hate when I'm so surprised by something that I don't react the way that I think I should have later when I have more time to get really frustrated about it. (Usually it gives me more time to think outside of the moment and I don't regret as many things but it takes me a while to really start thinking that way. In this case I got more and more upset and totally increasingly beyond obnoxious about it AND regretted it later) I was thinking and saying LOTS of things.. Like "How dare you say anything about parents quiting or not being consistent!! Pansy!! When the chips are down you are not sharing anymore brilliant ideas and just send me thousands of miles away to figure it out alone!! She can chew and swallow not an issue this is a behavior issue which is his area and he is quiting!!?!?! I'm still standing here!!! I'm not quiting!! I'm NOT quiting!!! Yeah, clearly she will do this on her own we are here on vacation!!

Perhaps it's better that I don't go 0-60.. I do end up saying just about everything that I'm thinking just in a more constructive way later. I don't hate him at all. I was really hating that he was totally willing to sell Alisha that short of where she could be. (please read other posts to follow I eventually had some enlightenment..) I talked quite a bit about that at the parent meeting. I felt at least heard. I tried to constructively talk it out with him and I wasn't seeming to get anywhere just being nice about it. I left today feeling really frustrated. I keep hearing different people tell me different days that our beloved Brittney would be back including not until Thursday... Friday is our last day!!!

I was talking to Jeff about it on the way home.. He was getting frustrated that I'm wanting to fight it. When I don't feel that it's right and it's this important I really feel that I need to do all that I can. Whatever it takes. I was frustrated with him being frustrated me and feeling like there was nobody left standing on my team but me. I really hate that feeling...

Later Jeff text me to let me know that his Grandma died. She had been home on hospice for about a week and Jeff got to go see her and be with his family there. Last week she understood things and she said that she thought that it was really great that Alisha gets to be part of this program. This same day a tornado hit Shyanne's house. Shyanne is a great mom!! She started the program about three weeks after the rest of our group did. I don't know if they normally start everyone all in the same phase or if it was because we are the first group through after moving to the new building. Which makes the Larraine's son the first graduate from the new center. Anyway, this was one heck of a day.